How to Start a Conversation with a Girl

The thought of talking to a girl can be intimidating to many guys, but if you are prepared and understand how to approach and talk to a girl, your nervousness level will be much lower.

1. Preparation
  • Try to stay relaxed and remember that girls are just people.
  • Be yourself, if the girl doesn't want to talk to the "real" you, then she's probably not worth talking to.
  • Be ready for rejection. You won't be able to connect with every guy, so don't expect to build a deep connection with every girl that you talk to.
  • You shouldn't plan out everything that you want to say, just try to think of an opening line to use and let the conversation flow naturally from there. It's a good idea to have a backup line or two, just in case your opening line doesn't work out the way you planned.
    • Your opening line will depend on the setting that you're in and the girl that you'll be approaching. Different opening lines will work to different degrees of effectiveness depening on your setting.
    • Restaurant or Bar: "That looks like a good drink, what are you drinking?" or "Do you come here often?"
    • School: "What's your favorite class?" or "Are you on any teams or clubs?"
    Helpful tip: Practice striking up conversations with people that you see in your everyday life, such as cashiers, waitresses, the mailman, etc. The more people you talk to, the better your conversational skills will be and you'll be building up your confidence at the same time, this will make it easier for you to start conversations with girls.

2. Approaching the Girl
  • Be sure to maintain good posture and keep your head up.
  • Make eye contact with the girl and smile. You don't need to have a giant grin on your face the whole time, but a good smile when appropriate can make her feel more comfortable with you.
  • Use your opening line and introduce yourself. You can either start with your opening line first or introduce yourself, whichever one you choose to start out with isn't important.
  • Be sure to find out the girl's name and use it in the conversation, girls love to hear their name. e.g. "That's a great point Susan!" or "Susan, what do you usually do for fun on the weekend?"
  • Try to work in a subtle compliment within the first few minutes, it'll put her put at ease and put her in a good mood. e.g. "That's a really nice sweater." or "You have a pretty smile."

3. Keep the Conversation Going
  • Girls love to talk about themselves, so try to steer the conversation so that they're talking about themselves or something that you're both interested in.
    • Be sure to pay attention to what they're saying and how they respond so that you are able to direct the conversation to the areas which she likes.
  • Don't ask questions that can usually be answered with one or two words, ask open ended questions e.g. "What are your vacation plans for this summer?"
  • Keep the conversation lighthearted at first, you can work your way into a deeper conversation but try to avoid sensitive topics and save them until the two of you know each other better.
  • Be sure to maintain good eye contact and avoid looking at your phone or other things too much. This will let her know that she has your attention.

4. Concluding the Conversation
  • If you found out that you have a common interest, you can try to setup a time when the two of you can spend time doing that activity together. You can also just setup a time to get coffee and talk or go to a movie.
  • Tell her that you enjoyed talking with her and if you haven't already done so earlier, ask for her contact info. This could be her e-mail, phone number, or social media info.
  • Tell her goodbye or see you later.

Also see: 101 Conversation Starters | How to Keep a Conversation Going | First Date Conversation Starters

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