How to Start and Keep a Conversation Going

For most people, breaking the ice is the hardest part in starting a conversation with someone you don't know but after the ice is broken, everything esle should come easier.

To start, make eye contact, smile, and make a greeting

• Hi, how are you?
• How's it going?
• Good morning
• Good afternoon

Start with small talk by bringing up a topic that both of you have in common.

• This can be based on your immediate surroundings, their attire, or the event you are attending, such as commenting on the music playing in the background or asking how they know the host.
• I like your shirt, where'd you get it?
• How did you hear about this event?
• Do you know who sings the song that is playing?

You could also talk about general topics such as the weather, current events, hobbies, school or work.

• What do you do for a living?
• What do you do for fun?
• What do think about this weather?
• What do you usually do on the weekends?

Tips
The other person can tell if you are interested in them if you are listening more than you speak.

Show that you are paying attention by nodding in response to what the other person has to say. You can also rephrase or repeat what the other person has just said to show that you are being attentive.

Find out what interests the person that you're talking to and keep on talking/asking questions about that topic. People love to talk about themselves and their interests. Usually you can pick up cues about what interests the person if you listen carefully. If you're not sure what to talk about, remember the acronym FORCED (conversations won't feel "forced" if you know this acronym):

• Family(/Friends) - Ask about their siblings, children, parents and/or friends.
• Occupation - Ask about their job or school.
• Recreation - Ask about what they enjoy doing outside of work/school.
• Current Events - Talk about pop culture, news or sports items but try to avoid sensitive areas such as religion and politics.
• Environment - Talk about your surroundings, the weather, the food/drink they ordered, or the music playing in the background.
• Dreams - Ask about their future aspirations.

Dale Carnegie, author of How to Win Friends and Influence People said, "Talk to someone about themselves and they'll listen for hours."

Keep the conversation going by listening to what they have to say and respond appropriately. Try to pick up cues on their areas of interest and expand on that. Follow up with additional questions and if the conversation starts to die out, don't be afraid to go into other topics.

Here are some follow up questions you can ask someone who says that they enjoy running:

• How long have you been running for?
• What is your favorite thing about running?
• How often do you run?
• How far do you usually run?
• Where do you usually run?
• Do you run by yourself or with friends?
• What do you wear when you run?
• Do you listen to music when you run?
• What music do you usually listen to?
• Are you training for any races?
• Have you ever thought about running a marathon?

If you ask, "What do you do for work?", you can follow up with additional questions, such as:

• How do you like your job?
• How did you get into this field of work?
• What does your work schedule look like?
• How long have you been working there for?
• Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
• What do you like most about of your job.
• What's your least favorite part of your job?
• Are you close to your co-workers?
• What's your commute to work like?
• What do you think of your boss?

Tell them it was a pleasure meeting them. If appropriate ask them for their contact info.

Read the news every morning before heading out of your home so that you have some interesting talking points for the day.

If you know that you will be meeting with a specific person, research topics that you think they'll be interested in.

Smile. Smiling will put people at ease and lets them know that you're happy to talk to them.

Making consistent eye contact shows confidence and shows that you are paying attention.

Maintain a good posture.

Don't cross your arms (gives off the sign that you are closed off to new ideas) and don't twiddle your thumbs (shows that you are bored).

It is much easier to keep a conversation going if you talk about something that interests both parties. Your location, activity, or the reason for your meeting can all provide potential topics, so pick something that seems relevant.

If your first conversation topic doesn't seem to capture the interest of the other person, don't be afraid to move to a different topic. Most vibrant conversations naturally flow across a variety of subjects.

Be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. Pay careful attention and react appropriately to the information that the other person is sharing. Make sure that your comments are an appropriate response to what the other person just said.

Your body language can speak volumes without uttering a single word. If it becomes obvious that you are distracted or bored, then the other person is likely to withdraw as well, and your exchange will wither quickly. No one enjoys chatting with someone who is preoccupied with his/her cell phone or busy scanning the room for someone more exciting.

If you're not a big talker, asking questions about the other person can keep a conversation going; most people love to talk about themselves.

Being overly negative often makes people wary and closed off. It is generally best to keep the atmosphere positive, especially if you are talking with someone that you do not know well so try to be polite and avoid sensitive subjects.

Compliments are a great way to keep the lines of communication open, but be sure that you are being sincere. False flattery often makes people uncomfortable and can even come across as creepy or threatening.

Ask open-ended questions that invite the other person to elaborate on their response or share a brief story. These lengthier answers keep the words flowing and provide you with valuable clues about the other person's interests and activities.

If possible, avoid giving responses that are just a few words long. Try to elaborate on your response so that you give the other person a chance to listen and come up with their response or question.

Listening to what the other person has said can guide you to know what question to ask next or what response is appropriate.

Listening closely can also give you clues about other conversational topics that you can explore next when the conversation starts to die down. Picking up on these clues can help guide you to know the right questions to ask, you can extend the conversation.

Don't be so focused on what you would like to share next that you lose track of what is actually being said.

Communication is often sloppy and imprecise; when someone you are talking with gets a detail wrong, ask yourself how important that particular detail really is before you interrupt them to correct it.

There is nothing wrong with politely asking for clarification if the detail is central to the topic but being overly precise can make a friendly conversation feel like an interrogation, so if a mistake is unimportant, let it go. Focus on enjoying your conversation instead.

Becoming more social requires that you make a genuine effort to put yourself out there and introduce yourself to others. You cannot stay hidden at home or behind a cubicle at work and expect things to change.

To make an effort at becoming more social, you can join a church, volunteer organizations, go out to clubs in your town, attend social events like fairs or art shows, join a gym, or even change positions at work so that you will encounter more new people on a daily basis. By taking yourself out of your comfort zone and attempting to make the first move in engaging others, you can learn new behaviors that will help you feel more comfortable in social settings and establish friendships with others.

If you want to build healthy, rewarding friendships, it's important to think positively about yourself. If you think negatively about yourself and carry a frown, it makes you less aproachable and will make it harder for you to approach other peolple as well.

Avoid body language that shows that you're closed off, such as crossing your arms, make good eye contact with people and avoid looking down at the floor or your phone, and smile when you see other people.

Once you make contact with someone new, try not to monopolize the conversation talking about yourself, but show that you're genuinely interested in them by asking questions about them and their interests.

After you make contact with a few new friends, it is important that you maintain consistency and follow through with your actions. If you tell someone that you will call or email, you need to make sure that you follow through with that promise if you want that friendship to blossom. Cutting off contact abruptly will end what could be a promising relationship.

You can't always just wait for others to invite you out. It's important that you take the initiative to find activites and invite others to go with you.

Realize that you won't be able to automatically connect with everyone. It may take a few attempts before you find someone; you have to find someone that you feel like you connect with and that person has to feel like they are able to connect with you.